Because We're Human.

Hunger

2010-11-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

The body of twirling thumbs knocking bones and guilty fingerprints heavy heart hitting rocks trailing a paper glitter soul. So distraught inside the thoughts empty moon and lifeless limbs. Feeling bad crying good. Kick the habit and break the spell. As my chest comes rising and falling. Into a pit of bottomless rage committing murder against the bed. You sleep on me now and leave the knife at my back. I will pull it from my flesh once it all starts making sense...

Baby

2010-10-19T20:09:00.003-04:00

I feel a stage being set inside the panic room of my mind. Too many thoughts to contain. All these emotions to capture... I feel like I'm swimming in an ocean of lost dignity, disappointment, shame, and self-resentment. "How many times have we gone over this"? I ask myself. No matter how many times I say I'll be perfect, I forget and insecurity takes over. Oh what a devilish monster it is. Making me blind in both eyes to the fact that he loves me and I should know better. I was being a baby. A selfish little baby who could've easily pushed the comments to the outskirts of her mind, or drowned them in that endless ocean which I look down into now as I swim in all its darkness. I see clusters of errors, pangs of regret and wonder just how many of those little demons are cohabiting here?

Home

2010-10-14T17:04:00.001-04:00

i am a slithery creature  a misshapen object always seeking comfort
under your careful grip

my body twists in dire need as i run fingers along your palm and
kiss your forearm enriched with veins

something draws me close to examine your soft envelopment of skin
shelling and protecting   piecing a body rugged
i am a lonely fugitive lost in the wonders of your spine
against your sheets beneath your bones rib to rib flesh on flesh
i breathe slow and beat fast eyeing your masculine shoulders
here i am safe with a heart that heals mine
i can travel along your pores i can hide without being found
i am home buried beneath you   i slip right in without a key

I Wish

2010-08-26T20:37:00.003-04:00

I wish I had a way with words so when we slow dance in the kitchen, the sound of my heart beating out of its place isn't all you could hear.

I wish I had a way with words when we're holding hands, so that you'd feel more than just the shakiness of them. Weary of you letting go.

I wish I had a way with words. Between the moments when we kiss. I could utter a line or two that'd make you smile.

I wish I had a way with words. So that goodbyes wouldnt be so quiet.
See you laters, would sound more like a song. And waving you away, would feel more like welcoming you back into my arms.

But I cant find the words... at least, not now. So put your lips with mine in hopes that you can hear them dancing on my tongue.

Under My Skin

2010-08-12T11:18:00.000-04:00

past my aching bones and straight through my core lies insanity
sleeping in a burrow within my heart
but i am here
catching my 12 a m flight to crazy town where
purple clouds spew acid rain
and all i can do is hope that it doesn't burn through
‘cause i've got a whirlwind of things
buried under my skin
simply lying there accumulating into
a massive headache
or maybe
an atomic bomb that will soon
go off as i wait
and the clock ticks into place

I'm not dreaming

2010-07-19T22:30:00.004-04:00

I've been lying here too long. Drinking the silence inside this room as the sound of a lawn-mower fades in and out across the hollows of my mind.

My bed feels more like a comfy coffin, the baby blue sheets just minor adornments to the stillness of my disposition. I've put my book down. Momentarily tired of reading about teenagers with their fistfuls of cigarettes alcohol and adolescent experimentation.

I purse my lips to chase away the blank stare.
"You need emotion.   Feel something."     But I don't. I won't and I can't.

At least, not until he crosses my mind    and I remember how I've fallen in love.

My guitar hasn't been touched in weeks.   I haven't written a poem   a song or anything for that matter. Not since he's taken over.
We've been too busy marveling at the thought of marriage   children   a house and a bed where we'd lie at night   him holding me   craddled in his arms as I fell asleep atop his body.

I imagine his chest rising slowly   his pulse beating the last bit of passion into my ribs in the wake of the night.

He says he loves me in his sleep. Loves me in his dreams.     Dreams, meaning the subconscious mind   which I don't believe we're in.   Because it's true   I am in love. And this time I don't feel the need to be pinched.

4 a.m.

2010-06-30T14:18:00.005-04:00

4 a.m. feels like a brand new day that hasn't quite made it
across the bridge   over the horizon or through my window

there's a blue incandescence that makes me wonder where you are   below that vast sky

4 a.m. feels like a half-written song     where the notes float in mid-air as the writer dips his fingers into the ashtray and sips wine after conjuring memories he'd rather forget

4 a.m. makes me dizzy    makes me want to pick up my feet and dance    ever-so-lightly across the floor     up the wall and on the ceiling       but i fall

i plummet into bed and 4 a.m. reminds me that i'm alone    that you're not here     and i'm not there

eventually    flecks of sun will spill through my blinds and create a makeshift home on the curve of my thighs

but for now it's 4 a.m.
which feels like a ship in a bottle    going nowhere   needing something    and i'm the captain

i'll break the glass   and sail to you...

won't drop the anchor 'til i've seen sunlight and felt the warm relief
of your smile against mine

Starvin' for Your Lovin'

2010-06-21T16:23:00.004-04:00

Dear Terry,
I'm starving for your love. I'm literally starving myself. I won't eat for the next couple days in hopes that I'll drop a couple pounds and when you see me you'll still be in love with my little frame.     That's what I'm afraid of. I'm scared you'll see me again for the first time in weeks... and you'll realize you never loved me.

What will I do then?

Don't even try to hide your dissapointment. Because I'll see it in your eyes. If you hug me the wrong way I'll take it as disgust. I can feel dissapointment. I can sense reluctance. If you're not happy   I'll pinpoint the exact moment it happened. I'll locate the spot where your heart dropped and you realized you were wasting your time.

And then my world will shatter like the glass ceiling I've been walkin' on. Eversince you said hello.

I love you like an addict loves their drugs. The numbing feeling of not having to feel.   I love you more than Pablo Neruda or e. e. cummings.   I'd burn my memories of Sylvia Plath just to be in your presence. And that my dear, is what scares me the most. I'm starvin' for your lovin'. Feed me coated glitter and butterfly kisses next time we meet.

* - for the record, five minutes after writing this, I ate a Honey Bun :)

Crazy / Call on Line 1

2010-06-15T13:46:00.000-04:00

crazy

i ate a warm sunset

while swimming in the pools of your eyes

a rose sprouted from my palm and i plucked it

by its stem

tearing each petal one by one and placing them

upon your empty bed

i must have forgotten that love no longer lives here

call on line 1

earlier this morning
hope was on the line
fumbling with the change in his pocket
as he waited for you to answer

and when you didn’t
he left a message on your phone

said something about

always being there
no matter how bad things may seem

- J.J. Charles

At Times...

2010-05-28T20:56:00.000-04:00

at times i find myself needing your

half-wit crack of a smile
nothing short of a masterpiece
shy and lonely like my stomach

no one touches my skin and makes it crawl
the way you do a slight feeling
quite electric pumping blood below these pores

you make me tired of chasing lions
writing poems on love and roses

but i'm not asking for something different
i'm just asking you to stay

- J.J. Charles

The Graduate

2010-05-24T16:11:00.010-04:00

Hey guys! I've been a high-school graduate now for two weeks and I've finally get to return to you my loves! Don't be surprised if you catch me poking around your blogs soon :) See, I told you I'd be back. Can't wait to see what you've been up to! Love you!!!

summertime

summertime here means restless noise

and startling adolescence

well i’ve passed that phase

and would rather be alone listening to lena horne

while swimming in the soft blue of sinatra’s eyes

some say i’m an old soul in a teenage body

with the face of a baby

too quiet for anyone to hear

too subtle for anyone to remember

i burn a lot of bridges

because i’m rarely there to kill the fire

and i guess i’ll remain this way until i learn to

paint bold strokes talk into microphones

and cause a scene

and maybe this summer will be the summer

that i stop swimming alone

sleeping at sundown

writing wishes ‘til dawn

- J.J Charles

I Forget

2010-02-19T15:17:00.004-05:00

i knew myself once but i've forgotten
after overdosing on false lashes and stilettos

a slinky red dress can only satisfy two needs
and then one night the fabric tears and you're left
naked in your shame

i tell my brain to heal itself with little pills   lunar eclipses
but instead of blocking nightmares   it erases important things
like sunday mornings     trips to the bakery
holding mom's hand as we'd walk home
conversing in french about everything and nothing

my composition was once a line twisting and turning
stretching in colors
but i forget now... i forget
i've forgotten what made me whole

- J.J. Charles

Conundrum

2010-01-28T12:45:00.001-05:00

maybe you would love me
if i used words like conundrum
and read books of a thousand pages
with a finger up to my lips

the tactility of a dream rests where
your nose meets my skin
electric impulse bringing me down
‘til i fall before your feet

let me sleep next to your bones
make me forget all the formalities
while i walk down the avenue
index finger over my mouth
hoping i’ll run into you
as i whisper "conundrum"

-J.J. Charles

It's been a WHOLE MONTH! I've Missed You!!

2010-01-15T22:50:00.005-05:00

Hi guys! I just wanted to stop by and let you know that

1. I have not died :)

2. I'm not sick or harmed in any way and

3. I DO plan on coming back to blogger (eventually)

Well why did I mysteriously disappear all of a suddenly you ask?

Good Question!

I'm sure some of you know that I'm a high-school senior and with

that comes A LOT of work and things to be done, so I'm always

busy, busy, busy with school unfortunately.

BUT, I am starting to slowly get a handle on it all so I would like

to return to you my loves, here on blogger, I'm just not sure when :(

Until then, I just wanted to thank everyone who left comments on my

page. I saw them today and COULD NOT stop smiling! Honestly,

you'd think my face was glued that way.

Well, that was my small "HELLO" to you darlings!!

Love, Love, and MORE Love,

-Jay

Random poem: Benches

2009-12-15T11:52:00.000-05:00

flight of feeling

emitted from the stillness of air

and silence

and all things pure

the benches are quiet

but know more than they should

over time,

millions of bodies and souls

have sat upon them

to rest

to cry

to breathe and

tell stories

stories they believe

the world will never know

but the benches

and the sky

and the clouds,

they hear everything.

-Jay

I'm DONE! :)

2009-12-12T17:40:00.005-05:00

Hey Guys! I think I mentioned once that I was writing a collection of poetry... Well I'm finally DONE! Yayyy! This has been a very long project of mine. I basically started in July and it is now December, so I guess it's been 6 months! I never thought I'd finish but this afternoon, I wrote the final ending poem and when I finished, I was surprised by my own reaction. It looked something like this, except for the fact that I have black hair instead of red :)

Most of the poems are very personal and some are gloomy, but I've got happy-lovey-abstract bits in there too. I think it could be pretty inspiring :) Oddly enough, after all this work, I've already started a second collection! I'll be posting the day it's officially available online, 'til then: I LOVE YOU!!!

Victory!

2009-12-05T20:55:00.001-05:00

although life seems to be an uphill battle

know that in the end, after you've fought

there's always a victory round

and it will be YOURS regardless.

and remember

- also, i've replied to each one of you

in my last post. thanks for all the love

darlings. i hope the love you send me

multiplies and returns to YOU tenfold.

Love,

Jay.

H is for "Hope"

2009-12-03T19:30:00.003-05:00

Hey Everyone! If you've read my blog for the past couple weeks, you've probably noticed I've been a little somber or I talk about "hope" and "getting better" a lot. Well I'm finally back on track! : ) The problem is that I was having a lot of health/family/friendship/school issues and, it felt as though the world was out to get me. BUT things are clearing up ~~(sorta)~~. Good things happened today. I got inspired, I was motivated and best of all, my best friend is acknowledging my existence again! He actually said 'hi' to me today and smiled, so I realized that the fact that we were "ex-es" (as in ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend) couldn't ruin our four year friendship... BUT ANYWAY, I'm just really GLAD to be back. I'm behind on your posts, so I'll be reading lots and lots today :) Thanks to all off you who supported me and left nice little comments. Honestly, you guys keep me going, because every single time I read your words, I feel uplifted. But you've had enough of my blabbing ^_^

p.s- how are you all doing??? is everyone having a good week so far?

A Little Birdie Told Me...

2009-11-26T20:33:00.001-05:00

today

today i didn't wake with the

somber memory of what i once had

i woke up with a stunning premonition

and a fluorescent smile

because the birds on the wire

sung me a song to reassure me

once again

that i was going to be okay

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone :)

Letter to My Friends (that means YOU)

2009-11-19T19:06:00.003-05:00

leaves

we are nothing but little green leaves

being carried off by the wind

sometimes we soar
and other times we're trampled
stomped lifeless into the concrete

but we're never down for long
because hope for us is inevitable

it comes so quickly

just like that

with a gust of wind
we are up again

soaring high
against the vast blue
sky

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I've been having a rough time coming up with anything creative. The past week has been a tough one... So many bad things happened that I wasn't sure I wanted to keep persevering. With all the family issues and hospitalizations, I wanted to give up on school, writing, and even life. Yesterday, I was going to delete this blog, but then I saw a new comment on one of my posts which made me feel better about myself, and I realized, I didn't have to go anywhere. This is the one place where I can express myself and be supported by good people. So without going off on a long rant, I just want to thank all my followers. I love you all and even those who just stop by every now and then to just "take a peek" : ) Your comments and wise words mean a lot to me and you give me strength! Hopefully, when I get things back on track I'll post more frequently and become a better blogger overall. Well thanks again everyone! And hopefully I'll be hearing from some of you soon :) Love,

Jay

Thanks Christiejolu!

2009-11-12T13:43:00.005-05:00

-Big thanks to Christiejulo for giving me an Awesme Blogger Award! Before I can accept this I must write 7 things you probably don't know about me :] Here we go!

1. I'm fluent in French (I'm a Frenchie)
2. I write my own songs (poetry, photography, and music!? call me an art freak)
3. I love guitars (feel free to buy me an acoustic)
4. Coffee is my ultimate addiction (you should see me at Starbucks)
5. I Survived being pushed down 3 flights of concrete stairs when I was five
6. My birthmark is a green circle on my left shoulder
7. I once jumped in front of a car to save my sister's life

Now I must pass this award to 7 new bloggers

1. ShellBell
2. The Wrong Girl
3. Webster's Satellite
4. A day in the life of a photographer

Mmm, unfortunately I don't know any other new bloggers, so this is all for now :]
Enjoy!

Remember When?

2009-11-09T22:25:00.003-05:00

I remember back when the best part of my day was getting to

go play outside during recess. And no matter how many times

I fell from the same swing, slid down the same slide, and jumped rope over

the same slab of concrete, recess was still new and sacred every time.

But now we're growing up and time will barely take a breath for us to stop

and recollect little memories and tiny moments we lived. So... my advice for tonight

is to stop and smell the roses. Pause for a minute or two or 20 and do something

that made you happy when you were younger. Just because you're grown,

doesn't mean you should forget the discoveries you made, back at the sandbox.

once upon a time

once upon a time

i was more than a tiny human being

i was a ball of energy

unable to be suppressed or held down by

the constant worries of adult life

grown-ups shushed me and teachers

insisted i be still

but i was too much for those sleepy souls

i was awake

i was alive

i was pure and new and barely uncovered

today i am worn out

my body lacks the effervescence that once

bubbled up inside me

once upon a time

i knew nothing and had no obligation to

my imagination was enough to feed millions

i was me

i was free

and time meant absolutely nothing

once upon a time

Go!

2009-11-04T21:55:00.007-05:00

i took this on my way home tonight.

i was feeling pretty down and wanting to give up on everything.

being overstressed does this to people, unfortunately.

but then i looked out the window, and i felt like the lights were speaking to me

they said "go", so i'm still going. i realized, i didn't have to give up.

and neither should anyone. so keep going you guys! go for your dreams!

you brake at the red light

and i ready myself for the cluttered silence

that ought to follow

yet with you

car rides turn into therapy

without the shrink without the chair

without the pain or the need to release horrific

details of how it all began

we simply coexist together

whether we’re gripping each others’ hands

or belting the words to the song on your stereo

you always make it so that i despise green lights

because they’re saying go

and i’m secretly screaming

Thanks for the Award Lly!

2009-10-31T16:42:00.016-04:00

The ahmayzingly talented and awesome Lly De Lly Dilettante awarded me with this award which I am very happy to accept, but first I must answer these questions with only ONE word

1. Where is your cell phone? Unknown

2. Your hair? Down

3. Your mother? Work

4. Your father? Sleeping

5. Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? Random

7. Your favorite drink? Coffee

8. Your dream/goal? Bestseller

9. What room are you in? Mine

10. Your hobby? Writing

11. Your fear? Rejection

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? France

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren't? Ungrateful

15. Muffins? Blueberry

16. Wish list item? DSLR

17. Where did you grow up? Florida

18. Last thing you did? Drive

19. What are you wearing? Black

20. Your TV? Flat

21. Your pets? Dead

22. Friends? Supportive

23. Your life? Improving

24. Your mood? Calm

25. Missing someone? Nope

26. Vehicle? Mom's

27. Something you're not wearing? Shoes

28. Your favorite store? Starbucks

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Sunday

32. Your best friend? Gone

33. One place that I go to over and over? School

34. One person who emails me regularly? Ed

35. Favorite place to eat? Panchero's

Now I must give the award to Six Deserving Bloggers:

A day in the life of a photographer

Amigurumi Passion by Mojammie

Enjoy!

What Have I Been Up To?

2009-10-27T19:16:00.006-04:00

Writing Poetry and Taking Photos! But I'm sure you already knew that.

all i want

all i want

swim

coffee

and

dream

happy

dreams

and

think

happy

thoughts

and

listen

good

music

while

entangled

within

the

beautiful

mess

that

you

"To a Woman So Vilely Beautiful"

2009-10-18T20:29:00.004-04:00

Today was my mother's birthday. While we were gathered around the table eating, I got to thinking of all the things we've been through. After the good, the bad, and the unmentionable, she still somehow loves me unconditionally, so I wrote a poem for her. Please take the time to appreciate your mothers because without them, we wouldn't be here :]

My Mother

sometimes i gaze at her small exterior

and then at myself and wonder how something so plain

came from a woman so vilely beautiful

she carries a song on mocha stained lips

loving tenderly with open arms long and slender

like french baguettes

i know the depths of her concern oddly passionate yet cold

when she grazes the sky with outstretched fingers and

fearless rants on the importance of God and purity and faith

our relationship was never smooth too rough around the edges

but i believe with the utmost surety that if there was ever a utopia

it must’ve been situated in her life-giving womb

That's How It Is

2009-10-16T17:38:00.001-04:00

"Pensive"- Life's been moving a bit fast for me... maybe too fast.

(Do you ever feel that way?)

I often find myself wishing it could slow down because I'm so

analytical. I like to take every situation that's thrown at me and study it

like a book or a priceless artifact. But unfortunately, time doesn't wait.

So I'm having to make decisions quicker than usual.

All in all, it's been a strange week, but a good one. I've shared funny moments

with my potential "suitors" and I've seen some pretty interesting things. After arriving in Orlando this morning,

there was a man riding his bike on the road. We stopped him to ask for directions to the place we were going and he threw his arms out and with almost TOO much enthusiasm screamed "I'M GOING TO ORLANDO!!" My sister gaped at him like he had snakes coming out of his ears and I said "Sir, we are in Orlando". All of a sudden the man looked very confused and simply stayed there, scratching his head, so I said "Ummm, nevermind" and we pulled into a nearby McDonald's to stuff our faces. I was pretty hungry and I guess I was willing to eat anything at that moment. So I did.

Just For Fun

2009-10-15T22:19:00.001-04:00

POETRY IS

THE KEY

TO MY HEART

Free Yourself?

2009-10-01T22:39:00.001-04:00

This morning, the euphoric feeling I was basking in as the new October chill hugged my little frame quickly ended when an old friend of mine expressed to me that he wanted to take our friendship further, as in going into a relationship... Of course I was skeptical, especially since I've been through a couple break-ups in the past month. But I couldn't make myself say no. A part of me is still healing and would rather not jump back into the world of googly-eyed, hand-holding and worrying-yourself-sick-to-look-your-best-all-the time madness that is DATING. But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if this just might turn out to be something beautiful and long-lasting. Taking this chance would feel like jumping into a ring of fire.... So what do you guys think? Should I remain a caged bird or spread my wings?

Because. Time Flies.

2009-09-29T21:24:00.001-04:00

My word of advice for tonight, is to remind your special someone of why you love them in the first place. Sometimes we don’t realize how we neglect their feelings… life tends to get hectic and in the mean time, we forget to show our appreciation. So please take a little time to do something special for your sweetheart (or your honeybunny, snuggle-bear, etc *-*) regardless of what it may be. Even if it’s just watching a movie together, giving them a card, a peck on the lips (or maybe more) it definitely WILL make a difference. So go ahead, love awayyy!!! :)

a little less somber

2009-09-26T18:46:00.002-04:00

happily nervous

my eyes glaze over

stomach turns to a ball of yarn a huge knot

waiting to be untangled

i dance carefully with the sound of footsteps

underneath the bright lights

never minding the nervousness that beats angrily

in my veins a smile slides down and around

the four chambers of my heart

and i look on waiting for your touch
waiting for your voice

to come through melodically polluting the air with
butterflies and music notes

when you whisper hello

A Poem I wrote

2009-09-26T18:10:00.003-04:00

barely there

the mirror hands me an image of a girl

with mascara spiders in her lashes

and little red stems branching out around her pupils

a thick black tear infused with early morning insults

and last night’s slaps to the face slowly pushes itself from

her tear-ducts and slips around her eyes

falling down down down

that angelic face

i see a failure who believes too much

in other people but not enough in herself

while the preacher sings hymns of grace

she whispers a death wish and a lullaby that

once worked when sleep didn’t come easy

in this mirror i see a shipwreck

washed up and washed out ‘til the color fades

i see an invalid who's barely breathing barely dreaming
barely there

A Day Well Spent?

2009-09-25T16:10:00.001-04:00

I took a break today. Something simply didn't feel right when I tried to get up this morning. After hitting the snooze button four different times, I got out of bed, took a shower and tried to get dressed for school, but my body still ached, so I sighed and flopped back down on the bed. Poof. Just like that, I decided this was gonna be a "stay-at-home" day. And, I guess it was a good one : ]

"High Strung" - taken from my window this morning

"Waiting for Inspiration"

- I can't remember why I had the clock in this shot, I guess it's supposed to symbolize the time spent waiting for inspiration to hit me... unfortunately it never did

On My Mind

2009-09-24T21:18:00.001-04:00

Today was another bland and boring day in Mel-boring, Florida. It's spirit week so the school halls have been invaded with Tacky Tourists, Cowboys, Hippies, boys in short-shorts, and girls sporting Pepto-Bismal colored leotards. Tomorrow should be less colorful since it's simply "School Colors Day". By the time I got home this afternoon, it was almost dark out and I found myself feeling a bit somber. Not much has been on my mind except the books I'm reading (which are pretty interesting in more ways than one) and the boy who once loved me. Needless to say, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend, and I guess I'm pretty much over it (the breakup, I mean) . I have been for a while, but what still bothers me is the fact that he didn't even try to work things out. He simply gave up without giving me a second chance, though he was already on his 7th.... I get mixed emotions when I see him with his new girlfriend. It warms my heart that he's with someone who satisfies him and makes him happy __ but at the same time, it breaks my heart that his "special someone" isn't me. And now all I have is the stuffed bear he gave me with the words I love you stitched across. I haven't touched that thing in weeks, but it fell into my lap today, and for the first time, as I held it and read the words, my soul didn't suddenly feel safe and at home. For the first time, I felt absolutely nothing.